Flamin’ Hot


Rated ‘PG-13’ for some strong language and brief drug material.
Stars Jesse Garcia, Annie Gonzalez, Emilio Ribera, Vanessa Martinez, Hunter Jones, Dennis Haysbert, Tony Shalhoub, Pepe Serna.

Wanting to feel the artificial love generated by Awards Season®, I paged through this year’s Oscar nominees and in no time landed on my favorite category: Best Song. Infidels see the performances of the nominated songs as the perfect time to freshen up their cocktail or dash to the bathroom and snort another rail. Who needs narcotics when the memory of Paula Abdul’s tribute to The Little Mermaid (complete with swampy choreography and scuba divers in tap shoes) or Rob Lowe cavorting with Snow White weren’t intoxicating enough? This year you can keep the theme from Scorsese’s apology to women and the lyrical contributions of the entire cast of hipster babysitter Wes Anderson’s Asteroid City. And didn’t the Academy already honor Barbie for Hotel Terminus? I love Cheetos, those delectable aurantiaceous styrofoam snacking chips that turn a muncher’s fingers oranger than the right fist of tRump’s proctologist. Flamin’ Cheetos arrived on the scene in 1989, the brainchild of Richard Montañez (Jesse Garcia) an enterprising janitor at Frito-Lay’s whose invention instantly became a staple in grade school lunch pails. (A friend’s kid would drench them in Tapatio before washing them down with a shot of Tabasco.) Frito-Lay’s nutritionless munchies and director Eva Longoria’s Flamin’ Hot are each made up of heavily processed corn and in both cases, all the more delectable for it.

For a feel-good picture that goes out of its way not to offend, the sour note that brings up the curtain does so with nauseating aplomb. What Fox Searchlight has done to Alfred Newman’s emblematic 20th Century Fox logo music with stringed CinemaScope addendum is clearly a manifestation of madness. For her debut feature behind the lens, Longoria doesn’t direct so much as she speeds things up to keep pace with the scattergun narration. Opening in an upscale restaurant, the one specific trait Longoria establishes without relying on dialog is that Montañez is not the guy working the kitchen, he’s a customer. Viewers of celebrity biopics spend a great deal of time checking to see how close the performer came to xeroxing the subject. Being unable to pick the real-life Montañez out of a line-up contributes greatly to the enjoyment. When he first meets his future bride, Judy (Annie Gonzalez), the pair stick out like “two sore brown thumbs” in an otherwise lily white high school. What choice do they have but to spend their lives together?

Abuelito (Pepe Serna, Hispanic royalty) stresses the only thing his grandson has in life is his name. Even before the credits roll, Richard describes himself as a “self-professed, most uneducated, successful vato you’ll ever meet. (To our delight, the script interjects chicano slang with the greatest of ease.) A born pusher, Richard won over the school bully by getting the gringo hooked on his mother’s burritos. Success led to his arrest when the cops nabbed the brown kid with too much green. He observed, when the world treats you like a criminal, you become one. The wall-to-wall narration and hyper-editing can become oppressive. Amid the swish-pans and fervent cutting, Longoria slows down long enough to paint a nostalgic portrait of Reagan-era America. One gets the feeling that the auteurs in the pack are the real-life Richard and Judy Montañez, both of whom received a “based on the life stories of” credit.

According to a Los Angeles Times report, Montañez’s version of his inventing the piquant crunchers rang false enough to set the former janitor’s asbestos Dickies on fire. Contrary to his claim, the flaming junk snack was whipped up by a “team of food professionals” in Frito-Lay’s Plano Texas Headquarters, approximately 1.319 miles east of Yucca Flats as the crow flies. Frito-Lay credited Montañez with “pitching several successful snacks developed for Latino customers while working as a machine operator.”

As for the Best Song nominee, did I miss it? That’s what I get for ducking out before the credits roll.

Actioner ‘Sniper G.R.I.T.’ Due Digitally Sept. 26, DVD Oct. 10

Sony Pictures Home Entertainment will release the actioner Sniper G.R.I.T. through digital retailers Sept. 26, and on DVD Oct. 10.

In the film, when an international terrorist cult threatens global political stability and kidnaps a fellow agent, Ace Sniper Brandon Beckett (Chad Michael Collins) and the newly-formed Global Response & Intelligence Team — or G.R.I.T. — led by Colonel Stone (Dennis Haysbert) must travel across the world to Malta, infiltrate the cult, and take out its leader to free Lady Death (Luna Fujimoto) and stop the global threat. Ryan Robbins and Josh Brener also star in this globetrotting entry to the “Sniper” franchise.

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Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers (2022)


Rated ‘PG’ for mild action and rude/suggestive humor.
Stars Andy Samberg, John Mulaney, KiKi Layne, Will Arnett, Eric Bana, Flula Borg, Dennis Haysbert, Keegan-Michael Key, Tress MacNeille, Tim Robinson, Seth Rogen, J.K. Simmons, Da’Vone McDonald, Rachel Bloom.

The new Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers isn’t so much a reboot of the 1989-90 cartoon show of the same name as it is a hilarious spoof of the entire animation industry.

A staple of the Disney Afternoon animation block of the late 1980s and early 1990s, “Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers” repurposed Disney’s mischievous chipmunk duo Chip and Dale as heads of a detective agency that took on animal-based crimes. The pair had been created in 1943 and were featured in 23 animated shorts through 1956, mostly as annoyances to more-prominent Disney characters such as Donald Duck or Pluto.

Produced by the Lonely Island comedy troupe, Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers reimagines Chip and Dale as actors who once starred in the “Rescue Rangers” TV show in a Who Framed Roger Rabbit-type world where Toons exist in the live-action world (as do Muppets, puppets and Claymation characters).

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Best friends from high school in the 1980s, the pair have gone their separate ways in the 30 years since the show ended. Chip (voiced by John Mulaney) has become an insurance salesman, while Dale (Andy Samberg) is an internet celebrity cashing in on his fleeting fame by touring fan conventions alongside other washed up cartoon characters (including a rather pointed slam of the botched marketing of a recent movie from another studio). Dale’s also undergone a procedure to give him a CGI upgrade — this world’s equivalent to plastic surgery — while Chip remains his traditional 2D appearance.

The pair are reunited by the pleas of their desperate “Rescue Rangers” co-star Monterey Jack, whose cheese addiction has put him in debt with some unsavory characters. When Monterey disappears, Chip and Dale join forces with a local cop (KiKi Layne) to free him from Sweet Pete (Will Arnett), a disgruntled former child star with a reputation for re-animating Toons in order to force them to star in cheap DVD bootleg ripoffs of their own movies. The premise gives director Akiva Schaffer and screenwriters Dan Gregor and Doug Mand plenty of ammunition to skewer the tropes of animated movies and reboots.

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The film avoids cameos from any of Disney’s major characters, but, like Roger Rabbit, serves up a ton of casual appearances from well-known minor characters, many of which feature in other studios’ properties. The fun blast of nostalgia will instantly appeal to anyone who grew up in the Disney Afternoon era, but also aren’t a distraction from the main story, which mixes in enough generic archetypal characters so that audiences of any age can appreciate the film without needing to understand any additional history of animation.